January 28: Bittersweet

What feels like a lifetime ago, I spent a few days in the mountains outside Nederland, CO, in a little solar powered cabin with someone I used to love. It was late spring so there was still snow on the ground. The cabin had this little loft with a mattress that served as the bedroom. I don’t remember much else about that cabin, because this was my favorite spot. We’d sit perched on that mattress looking out a little window seeking mountain lions or deer or any sort of wildlife that wanted to pass by. It was an excuse to be close, to snuggle and not go farther than arm’s length from each other. 

If we all have a love language, touch is mine. Words are remembered fondly. Gifts are appreciated. Touch is divine. It is no wonder a tiny loft would be my favorite place to pass my time with someone I loved.

Occasionally we’d leave to grab a coffee at a shop run from a train car. We rode bikes around Boulder trails. We hiked around the cabin and picked out a few rocks to bring home as reminders of our trip. I still have one of those rocks in my garden. 

I haven’t had the heart to toss it out. There were many memories made on that trip, but it’s the loft that calls to my heart over the years.

"The day he took this picture
he loved me

And I don't know how to show you 
what I mean...Except to say
that I don't look like this
anymore

This is how I used to look
when he loved
me"
- Merrit Malloy

As we descended the mountain on our drive home to Iowa, we listed to the Dirt Floor album. It was a poignant drive back to our waiting realities. 

This is one of those songs that can still bring tears to my eyes and a smile to my heart. Bittersweet.

Chris Whitley - Accordingly