Patty Griffin is one of my very favorites. Her lyrics often could
have come directly from my heart. If I were a song writer, she would be one of
those shining examples that I would guide myself by to hone my craft. A North
star of talent. I’m excited to share her with you.
I think many of us have that one musician who speaks to us,
who tells our tale. I remember I once had a friend tell me that Mariah Carey seemed
to be experiencing life with her. (I also remember being somewhat mystified by
that). Another friend found comfort in Don Henley. Patty is my girl.
This song is a goodbye one for me. It feels like a
combination of heartache and that glimmer of hope you get at a glimpse of peace after a long raging storm.
That relief of letting go of pain and no longer owning something that just doesn't
work. Accepting an end.
I am a fiercely loyal person, and letting go of
relationships that don’t honor me has not been a strength for me in the past. There’s
something profound in the simplicity of certain concepts. In the event of an
emergency, put on your own oxygen mask first. You have to take care of yourself
to care for others. Loving and caring for yourself is good, not selfish. Pearls of wisdom from
Patty: “You must always know how long to stay, and when to go.”
Emotional boundaries appear effortless
to some. I don’t know if this is because they were raised to witness and
emulate healthy ones, or a personality trait. I know that for me, boundaries
are lessons I've been forming over a lifetime rather than innate truths enacted
naturally and then refined through experience.
I have to monitor myself for
fear-based decisions. Am I trying to avoid conflict and being untrue to myself
in the process? Am I biting my tongue for fear of rejection? Am I sustaining a relationship
with someone based upon fear of abandonment? Would it be better for me to end
the relationship and drop the notion of being abandoned by creating the ending?
Am I acting to avoid guilt? These are all ways that fear finds the little
cracks in our emotional walls and seeps in.
Fear is the opposite of love. Fear
also can make you very susceptible to manipulation, to accepting a role in an unequal relationship. I
felt in my baseline understanding of love that it was kind to care for another’s
needs before my own. Self-sacrifice was a big theme in my youth. I learned it
well. To not say something that would either hurt someone, or cause me to be
punished by them. I was very easily conditioned in relationships to be the
perfect partner for a manipulator. I own all of this, and have no blame for
those past partners. What we permit, we promote.
If you often describe yourself as
a people pleaser, you may want to consider your own boundaries. You may also
want to consider that giving is control and receiving is letting go of control.
Concepts I've been embracing of late. What a journey to learn to receive!
The more I have built up my
boundaries and become empowered, the better my relationships have
become. The interesting thing about my journey is that it hasn't been intuitive
despite how basic these concept can seem. It’s why simplicity wows me.
Boundaries. Let him fly.
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