Aria and I were having one of
those rambling talks that might start with a mundane topic and then scampers
into something frivolous only to become deep and insightful. She’s a great
conversationalist.
This weekend we were talking about teens in general, and in
particular burgeoning hormones in teens. That led to discussions of
relationships and marriage. For many kids, marriage is probably a foregone
conclusion in many ways. They have married parents. Maybe with step-parents, but
most people are partnered. Or are looking to be partnered. Our society is geared
toward partnerships. We celebrate romance. We glamorize it even. We don’t view “single”
as a desired end state. It is unfinished. Messy.
In Aria’s world, it’s been just her and me since she was 4,
when I got divorced. And even before that, her dad traveled for a living so it’s
been us forever. Men are not a foregone conclusion to her. In fact, due to
struggles in that arena, men seem rather messy to her. Unnecessary to happiness.
We’re happy all alone, after all. She sees no reason to change that.
Which led in our discussion to parthenogenesis.
If you haven’t geeked out on this particular form of
science, parthenogenesis happens when an unfertilized egg can produce
offspring. Or in essence, no mate is required to have babies. The word
literally means “virgin creation” in Greek.
Komodo dragons have been known to reproduce in this way. New
Mexico’s whiptail can do it also. Sharks. Even honey bees.
Aria is rather fiercely proud of her independence. In fact, if
I had a concern for her, it’s that she needs more safe men in her world to
teach her the value of male role models, of potential partners, that there are
good guys out there. In many ways, her love of her world and having no desire
to change it is a compliment. A victory. A confirmation to me that I’m doing
well with her. We are complete as is.
But I’d be lying if I told you I don’t worry about it
sometimes. I’d love to provide a sketch of what’s possible for her. (And for
me.).
Back to parthenogenesis. I would have expected Aria to be a
champion of parthenogenesis. It affirms everything she knows about independent,
strong women to be able to have a baby all alone. Nary even a sperm donor in
site. Completely alone.
Nope. Aria was saying how we people need each other. That
whether you believe in God or simply evolution of our species, we were built to
be together. It’s required to have both a male and female to reproduce. And
didn’t I think nature was trying to tell us something? “Don’t swim upstream,
mom. Just float. We need each other, like it or not.”
It sounds really basic. I mean, we all know A + B = C. We
learn it when we are young. For me, it was in 5th grade when the
boys were escorted from the room and the girls learned about menstruation,
about how body parts fit together to create babies, about s-e-x. We entered the
classroom as girls and exited “in the know.” It was a big deal.
What it’s taken a lifetime for me to learn (and I continue
to evolve through this learning) is that we need each other. As independent and
self-sufficient as we are, we ultimately need each other if we are to survive
as a species.
Simple and profound at once.
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