August 11: Only

We spent our weekend in McGregor with my family. My sister has 4 children, and for Aria it provides such rich life experiences. 

Most of us grew up with siblings. I never experienced a world as an "only." I had an older sister until I was 5, so I was the younger sister. Once my parents divorced and both re-married, I had three new siblings. My sister remained with me and I inherited a step-brother who was less than 2, and thus I became a middle child. When I was 13, my sister moved to my dad's, and I stayed behind at my mom's. I then became the oldest sibling in the house. But I've never been an only.

Growing up with siblings, you know what it is to have a built-in playmate, whether or not you wanted one. Aria has learned the fine art of playing by herself. When she was little, this involved lining up Littlest Pet Shop toys and giving them each character traits. She could do imaginative play for hours. Today it means picking up a book and reading it from cover to cover. She is superb at being alone. Her creativity astounds me. I remember craving alone time. Feeling it was a privilege / foreign concept to be left alone. It's her normal. We have to seek out other children in her world. 

I learned to share. Everything. I learned that there wasn't much sacred. If you built an amazing Lincoln Log set-up, odds were good someone else was going to come along and change it up, or just destroy it for kicks and giggles. Aria has an entire room of Playmobil set up to perfection. There are cobwebs on some parts of it, because if she doesn't move it around, it doesn't get moved. 

More kids equals more expenses. A parent has to think twice in a Starbucks drive-through if there are 4 kids in the car and each wants a beverage. With just Aria, it's easy to get her something also. She doesn't know what it is to not have something because money has to stretch. Now, we certainly have a budget and our lifestyle reflects the limits of that budget. But I've never been in a restaurant and not ordered her dessert because I couldn't swing the expense. In my childhood, I remember what a rare treat eating in a restaurant was, and I also remember ordering less expensive items on the menu very intentionally because it was necessary. I remember getting gifts on birthdays and Christmas, and the long dry spells in-between. I remember wearing hand-me-downs. 

Aria could never relate to that. If she gets a used clothing item, it's because I've been shopping on Ebay again. If we don't order something at a restaurant, it's by choice. I try to make gifts special, but in truth she often gets little this and that purchases because I adore gifting and adore her, and it just results in "thought of you" presents from chocolates to a pack of Pokemon cards. It's mostly feast in her world with famine being a concept. We have bounty. Abundance comes to mind. 

Undivided attention from a parent? I cannot recall special moments with my mom growing up. Her taking time with just me to make me feel special. Or with my dad for that matter. If we'd be there to visit, it was always with my sister and step-sister along. In Aria's world, she is my sun, and I revolve around her. She doesn't know what it is to want for affection, time, intentional focus. She also is in many ways older than other kids her age, because her behavior modeling and conversational skills come from sharing her life with me, versus siblings.

When there is sibling conflict, I can relate to every angle of it. After all, I've been the youngest, the middle child and the oldest. I intrinsically get it. Aria finds bickering to be insane. Why not just play. Physical fighting? Unheard of. Jaw dropping stuff. I mean, seriously. Am I going to whack her to get a toy out of her hand? She has no concept. Conflicts of any nature can be harder for her as a result. She hasn't logged time on the battlefield. She also can be the voice of reason within a storm, though.

We read all the negatives that come from being an only. I see so many positives for her. 

Do you know this Gaelic blessing?

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again,
may God hold you in the palm of His hand.

I wish it for Aria so very often. She's my one and only.

Abbey Road - Here Comes The Sun