Dark mood tonight with life events causing some pain.
Sometimes when the clouds roll in, it's helpful to remember other dark times and how I've evolved past them. Kind of "you've been down and come back" before type thinking.
Case in point: When I moved back from D.C. and got a place in Iowa City, I was completely lost at first. I had dropped out of college, moved across the country, thrown my entire heart and life into this guy. And then left him to come back to what?
I had an insanely fun (insanely low paying) job at a local radio station but no career direction. I lived in studio apartment in an old home with radiator heat that never rose to my room. My grandpa helped buy me a car as I left mine in D.C. with the guy. I had pinned my entire future upon a foundation that was now gone. Ground zero.
My lowest points, oddly enough, came in the grocery store. With Jalal we were always entertaining, or even just cooking for his family. I adored menu planning and learned so much about hosting parties during my time with him. I cannot express the sheer joy feeding someone brings me.
To go into a grocery store alone, as a single person, with nothing that had to be bought and no one to feed it to other than myself, brought me to tears. Literally for months I'd walk into the grocery store, break down in tears, and end up leaving with Mountain Dew and a pack of cigarettes. (It was a great era for weight loss but not so great on the health front.)
It was a low point. Eventually, I bounced back. Time does heal. It's trite and painful to evolve through in real time, but from this vantage point years later, it's true.
Tomorrow my world has a little blip that hurts in the short term. I'm taking solace in knowing that in the grand scheme, it's only a moment in time. I have many, many other moments to make amazing.
Pearl Jam - Black
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